"Everything hurts and I'm dying" is the slogan of my first time soul cycling.
What is soul cycling you may ask?
Soul Cycling is the newest craze in working out, like yoga, pilates, CrossFit, Insanity etc. It's a cycling working out session, where you pedal for 45 minutes straight listening to pump-up dub step and a workout instructor motivating you, and doing push-ups, weights, dancing and moving up and down all while cycling for 45 minutes straight.
To tell you my experience and how I felt the entire 45 minutes, I will show it through GIFs of my favorite television shows:
The Mindy Project
Parks & Recreation
30 Rock
Broad City
Key & Peele
and featuring
The Walking Dead
Easy A
*Also note I was hungover while doing this, so...keep that in mind
THOUGHTS I HAD WHILE SOUL CYCLING FOR THE FIRST TIME
When my sister told me she was taking me to Soul Cycle in the Castro district of San Francisco the day after we were going on a family bar crawl.
Arriving to Soul Cycle Sunday morning at 10 a.m. after a family bar crawl in the sunny Castro district.
I am pumped and ready. My adrenaline is rushing, I've been drinking water since I woke up and I'm ready to conquer SoulCycling. My hangover is not that bad and I feel like I can do this.
And then I see the previous class step out...
What did I just get myself into?
I step in and look around. It's a dark room with candles and loud music. The instructor welcomes us in with a motivational positive voice. The music is going and I can barely hear a thing.
I tell myself 'It's okay, it won't be that bad. It's just like going to the gym and watching an entire episode of Cupcake Wars. This class is just one full episode of Cupcake Wars'.
Except it's not and I can feel the breakfast sandwich I had an hour before this and I deeply regret having a few drinks and two slices of clam and garlic pizza from Golden Boy last night.
I step on the bike and pedal to warm up. So far, so good. Until the instructor starts the class. She begins to ask "Be honest, who had a few adult drinks last night?" Several people raise their hand, I don't. I'm too shameful of my hung-over-ness, but I can tell she knew- instructors/teachers always know if you're lying.
Then the music starts. A dub-step version of Sam Smith. His godly voice soothes me as I'm pedaling. The instructor then tells us to bike to the beat of the music and turn our dial up until we feel like we are pedaling up a hill.
I ignored all those around me and just blanked out and found myself biking to the beat of dub-step Sam Smith. I focused on solely his beautiful voice and only that for about five minutes.
The instructor motivates us, shouting "You can do it!" "Let the drinks from last night flow out of your body!" "Let your feelings lift up from you and focus!" "Find your inner-inspiration!" "Who is your motivation in life?"
The music keeps pumping. Dub-step is ringing in my ears and my legs are starting to go numb. I can't stop cycling. And then the instructor tells us to do push-ups...
I'm pushing up-and-down, up-and-down, still cycling. My legs are numb. My face is sweating and my arms are starting to hurt.
The instructor then says to move your body up and down while still pedaling.
I can't stop sweating. The room feels like it's getting closed in. My ears are ringing and my legs are completely numb.
The instructor then says to do more push-ups....
I do the last set as best as I can. I stop for a few minutes to wipe the sweat off of my face.
Did you know that you can sweat from your eyes? Like sweat ducts come out along with the makeup I had from the night before.
It's the last stretch, a few more push-ups and then I'm almost done. I can do this!
The class is coming to an end. I can feel it. The instructor then has us do weights while cycling and it's surprisingly easily.
I got this. I got this in the bag. I will defeat Soul Cycling!
The 45 minutes are up. The class is over.
The instructor opens the door and a small breath of fresh air hits me. I waddle up to the bathroom to change and look in the mirror. My face is covered in sweat. Everything is sweat.
I take a shower, enjoying the feeling of water all over me. It's the greatest feeling ever.
And then I enjoy the greatest brunch of all in Bernal Heights District in San Francisco and completely eat up all the calories I burned off in the 45 minutes.
 |
| The Front Porch Cornmeal and Bacon Waffle with Fried Chicken paired with a mimosa and an iced latte. Yes I can't tolerate dairy anymore but as I told my sister's boyfriend. After that 45 minute workout killed me, I don't think a small dose of regular milk will. |
I did it. I conquered the newest work out craze. I survived the SoulCycle.
And the next day, I felt like this:
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